Everyone Has a Story

I recently read a wonderful book called Magnolias for Breakfast. The words of the wise grandmother in the story, to her granddaughter, have stayed with me. She said something like this, " Everyone has a story. If you listen to their stories, your story will find you." Since returning to Bangladesh, I have thought a lot about this and found it helpful to look at those around me as having "a story". I came across a quote by Harry Thompson that also inspired me - "Be kind. Remember that everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Sometimes I get so caught up in my own battle that I can't really hear the stories of others, much less realize that they, too, are fighting hard things. After a couple of days of utter lonliness, I was given the opportunity to hear a story, which made me both deeply sad and glad.

Our helper, Shila, is a lovely widow, probably in her 40s. She has 4 children, 2 are students and the other 2, well, here is where it starts getting sad. Her son, just soon after her husband died, began having seizures. Because she is a single parent, she has no choice but to work so her family can eat, yet she cannot leave him alone for fear he would hurt himself if he had a seizure while she was gone. So it was left to one of the daughters to give up her education, so that she could stay home and take care of her brother. This has gone on for a number of years now. Her son cannot go to school or lead a normal life. If he takes the medicine daily, which is a fair amount of money for here, he has siezures several times a month. If he does not take the medicine, he gets them every day. To top it off, he has refused to eat or talk for the last 3 days and hasn't slept at night. Not only is she worried about him, she is so saddened that her daughter has had to give up her education. It means she will never get a good job and will have a harder time getting married. I could sense, as she talked, both a deep love for her children and the enormity of the burden she is carrying. I want to change it, make it all go away. But I can't. Yet, I struggle. Is there something that could be done? I pondered this as I walked my laps on the roof while the boys played tag and built in the sand. My lonliness was smaller and less important. There must be a hundred houses/aparments that can be seen from the roof, which means there are a lot of people around me. I saw day laborers carrying baskets of crushed bricks on their heads, people walking down the street, a lone kite flying in the sky, another woman hanging her laundry on her roof. I was struck by how many stories are surrounding me. How many chapters of tradgedy, how many chapters of triumph - I will never know. Yet I heard one chapter today and hope to hear many more in the future. I thought about Shilla again, how right she is for our family and how glad I am that we can be here to give her a job so that she can care for her family. I am thankful for the good health of my own children. And I am glad for a heavenly Father who has a plan through it all. There will always be questions and hard things, but they are not the end to our stories. Perhaps they are only the beginning.

Another day in the life of Riley

A lot of people have asked how the boys are adjusting. I feel so grateful to be able to say they are doing well. In fact, it has been easier than I expected. Riley was all out of sorts before we left, but once we got here, he seemed to feel as if he'd come home. Not that it was a piece of cake, but he (and all of them) have really embraced life here. They have each had their own struggles and it has come out in different ways, from shyness to defiance. But it feels like we at a good place.

The boys love taking turns going places with Austin. They have even found the local barber, as you can see above. Pruitt's favorite place to go is the Mishti Dokan (sweet shop). Jensen has spent time at the office, drawing, playing on the large roof there and, of course, playing computer games. Riley does better at going places and keeping busy, for some reason.

At the moment they are watching a movie together. Normally we need pretty much the whole morning to get our school work done. But today they did so well and Riley played well so we got done early. Our morning trip to the roof was cut short when the soccer ball soared up into the air, hit the building behind ours and landed a couple doors over. They were quite concerned about the fate of the ball (it was a birthday present for Riley when we arrived) so we looked down and figured out where it went. A little boy was holding it and I asked if I should come get it. He didn't look too happy, but when we walked over to his gate, he came and gave it to us. Part of me wished I could just let him have it. The boys decided, on our walk home, that the soccer ball should be saved for trips to the field.

In some ways, school has become more fun since coming here. For one thing, I have more time to put into it. It also gives good structure to our days. The things we learn are seen through different lenses here. For instance, yesterday we were studying about acid rain in coniferous forests - far from here, yet it gave the opportunity to talk about environmental issues and what we can do. The effects of pollution have never been so close to home, literally! Dhaka is full of fumes and after a few hours there, one's nose is lined with black objects. While we don't have that problem in Mymensingh, we do live close to a big trash mound. If that were not enough, there are many smaller mounds along the street. ( I don't understand, if there is a big pile, why not walk a few more steps to it rather than dump where you have to see it when you walk out the gate.) I have a tiny bit of appreciation for the trash mounds, for it shows me that basically nothing is wasted here. Any food scraps are eaten by cows or dogs and not much else is thrown out. Everything that can be recycled or used again is providing a job for some folks around here. But back to our school session - we talked about the big remaining items in the trash pile - plastic bags and chip bags, etc. and what we can do. Interestingly enough, one of the projects here makes baskets and place mats out of recycled chip bags ( you can probably find them at Ten Thousand Villages) so the boys are going to think about what else can be designed. The office here is getting a machine to melt plastic from pop bottles, etc. and make jewelry out of it. In fact, designing the first mold was Austin's first design job here. I guess I never appreciated recycling as much as I do now. All I have to do is look out of certain windows and I see the result of not doing so. It's funny how something disgusting can be turned to bits of beauty.

The Nitty Gritty

Lest you think that life here is all peaches and cream, or picnics and boat rides, I will let you in on a bit of daily life here. We have school Sunday thru Thursday, on which days our helper, Shila, comes to wash the laundry by hand, cook for lunch ( usually rice, lentils and vegetables -quite tasty), sweep and mop the floors and any other cleaning she has time for. The boys and I spend the mornings doing school work and usually have recess on the roof. There is a large sand pile, left from the construction of the building, which they play in. Sometimes they take a soccer ball up and kick it around. So far it has managed to stay on the roof ( which has a 3 or 4 foot high wall around it). For some reason I try and keep Riley in my sight while we are up there!! Shila leaves at 2 p.m. and I usually hit the kitchen to either cook for dinner or do some baking. I have a teeny tiny oven that can bake a dozen cookies at a time if I make them small enough, or 2 loaves of bread. Needless to say, I miss my oven and Cinnaroma very much! But I'm having opportunities here to cook and bake for others, which makes me quite happy. But back to the nitty gritty... how can I put it into words? These kinds of days are ok and sometimes I really really like living here. Oh, I get tired of having to boil so much water for drinking and washing fruits and vegetables, I get tired of having someone in my house, doing my work. I miss the grocery stores (Austin or Shila do the marketing here), I miss the yard where the boys could be outside without me having to watch them every minute. Yet, these kinds of days are ok. We are getting into a routine. I'm learning how to enjoy being able to focus on my boys and let someone else worry about the work for a time. But what really gets me is all the other things... More than once in the last few days I've vented to Austin and asked why we are here anyway, that we could be doing a lot more good somewhere else because all we are doing here is surviving. It has been a frustrating week of computer glitches, finance records not coming out right, our new cane furniture having to be emptied out and put on the roof for a few days to be dried in the sun and wiped clean of mold, brand new appliances giving out and feeling taken advantage of. What really took the cake was my new coffee maker giving out. A week ago, we were in Dhaka and bought a frying pan, hand mixer and coffee maker from a shop in New Market. We looked at different models and the guy went on and on about how we should buy the Japanese models because the other ones will only last 2 or 3 months and then give out. He said these would last for years. I was a bit skeptical, especially when the mixer had stickers on that said "Made in China". He said they put those on themselves so they wouldn't have to pay such a high import tax. That should have been a clue to get up and go to another shop. But he was convincing and it looked like such a good heavy duty model. Plus he was willing to write on the receipt that we had a 3 year warranty. So we bought our items and brought them here. I had great plans for them! The mixer gave out the first time, right after the blender, which was here previously, refused to blend and I could see the bottom part lighting up as it was sparking internally. I was upset, to say the least, yet found comfort in the fact that I could still get up in the morning and have a nice hot cup of real coffee. Wouldn't you know, the night we had a houseful of expatriate guests ( MCCers on a visa trip from India, a co-worker and his parents) it gave out. I was trying to give them the familiar taste of home sort of meal, no rice and "yellow stuff", but the coffee maker refused to work. I was totally disgusted. We finally boiled water and poured it through the filter which we situated on top of the pot and had our coffee with hot apple cake and ice cream. The next day we cleaned up the coffee maker, which by now had all kinds of grounds in it from all the trials and errors, and put it back in the box, where it is waiting for our next trip to Dhaka. We shall see if the 3 year warranty is any good.

It's crazy how life is sometimes. A couple weeks ago, I was so lonely and wishing for visitors. This week I was blessed with visitors and it was so good! Yet I had all this other stuff going on. Am I surprised? Not really. Guess its a matter of perspective. One of the biggest things I learned from some dear friends in Canton is that I always have a choice. So I am choosing to do more than survive here, even though I was crying my eyes out a little bit ago, ready to get on the next plane home. I still know deep down that there is a reason I am here. Seeing it, understanding it, now that would be nice, but "nice" is not what its about. There is a reason and, right now, believing that statement, is an act of worship; a slow, fragile, fumbling dance for my Heavenly Father who lets me know that its ok if I'm not getting it perfectly, that I don't need to be trying ballet moves right now. Somehow this bumbly dance of faith is beautiful to him.

A Mother's Ponderings

As a mother, I can often connect with other mothers, regardless of the culture they come from. We share something that goes deeper than words yet is easily understood. We can sense each other's pride and joy, fear and worry. As I write, I can hear a child's anguished cry and it's mother's voice as she is taking control of the situation. On the contrary, I saw something this week that troubled me deeply. We had taken a trip to Dhaka and needed to do some shopping for things we can't get here in Mymensingh. As we were walking through one of the markets I saw a man carrying a girl who must have been 11 or 12, yet her body was swollen and her head was nearly the size of a basketball. He set her down near me and was trying to get my attention, begging for money. I confess that I couldn't bring myself to really look at her. I felt such anguish in my heart. I felt horrible if I didn't give anything, horrible if I did, knowing that someone was making a business out of the poor girl's suffering. I wanted to scream a protest and ask where her mother was! Maybe she was dead. Maybe the man was her father and had absolutely no other way of caring for her. But in a country where family and community are so valued, surely there is an aunt or uncle, someone who could shelter her and give her the dignity of a home away from the public's eye, who could love her and make her as comfortable as possible, even if they couldn't pay for medical care. We made our purchase and walked away, giving nothing yet giving all I could - a heartfelt prayer that she will be shown compassion, that she will know love before she dies. She has stayed with me through the week and still brings me to tears. There are many other beggers, but none that needs her mother more than that one.

Another Picnic

Winter is picnic season here in Bangladesh. People dress up, drive long distances, eat lots of food and sell raffle tickets. We spent this past weekend in Dhaka and went along on a picnic planned by the Dhaka staff. We met at 7:30 a.m. and waited for our bus to come. Waiting is just a part of life here and most people don't seem to mind it. The stacks of boxes in the above photo are breakfast packets, waiting for the right moment to be distributed. That moment was long in coming! The bus finally came, but then we were told there was to be a second bus, since we were too many to fit on one. So we piled onto one and drove a little ways to where the other was supposed to be. Of course it was not there yet. Some of us, who have not yet adapted to this "waiting" part of life, got off the bus and entertained the onlookers. We were told it could be half an hour, it could be an hour, nobody knows. Of course only a chosen few were disturbed by this. By 8:30 the hunger pangs could not be ignored, so we found a little hole-in-the-wall breakfast nook and ate some eggs and parotas (fried flat bread). The bus came around 9:00 and we finally started off for our picnic spot, the Jamuna Bridge. After a couple of hours of driving we finally arrived, only to sit at the gate because our name wasn't on the list for the day. After some phone calls we were let in and found "our" spot, which consisted of a canopied area with plastic chairs under it, grass around it for games and a nearby dusty hill which the children were drawn to like a magnet. We had a nice view of the river and the bridge, which is the longest in Bangladesh. However, due to a high fence and barbed wire, we couldn't actually go to the river. Sigh. We were served tea and given a snack of oranges and cake, an unexpected but appreciated treat. Then we had formal introductions (this included anyone who works for MCC, whether it be the gatekeepers or shopkeepers, director or IT Coordinator, as well as their families. So it was a nice group of people.

Then it was time for games. Jensen made some new friends and played cricket with them, as well as football (soccer). He also won first place in a ball tossing contest and later received a dart board, to the envy of all the other boys. Riley and Pruitt took part in a balloon flying contest, below.

The men and ladies played separate games of hot potato, using a soccer ball, while someone pounded a rock or some hard object on the metal pole for music. Then we had the first ever ( I can only imagine) game of soccer that included men, women, boys, girls, barefeet, saris, high heels and sandals. It was quite exciting! Our picnic lunch soon followed, which consisted of fish curry ( with only 5o bones per piece, but the flavor was delightful), goat curry, vegetables and salad on a mountain of rice. That was followed by the "lottery", where we won 2 bars of soap and toothpaste. Riley was having the time of his life sliding down the dusty hill, which must be why we won 2 bars of soap!

By 4:00p.m. we loaded the buses for our ride back into Dhaka. Riley found a place with his brothers and was soon fast asleep. We had to take this picture as proof to ourselves that they really do get along on occasion! The countryside ended all too quickly and we found ourselves in a congested traffic. At one point we found ourselves sitting beside the road because the driver realized he didn't have his road permit along - it was on the other bus. The police chased us away from that spot and we found another and waited for the other bus to catch up to us. It took 4 hours to get back, by which time "tired" had turned into exhaustion for some of us and the snacks had long been used up. The noisy guest house looked better to me than it ever had before. All in all, it was a good day. I didn't take any big steps in becoming a happy "wait"er, but, hey, I got some time to work on that yet. I did get to see beautiful country side and lots of smiling faces, share in laughter and conversation and be a part of a very diversified group of people. Not quite heaven, but I did see a glimpse of it.

I just celebrated my birthday in a most unusual but wonderful way! I made cinnamon rolls to start the day right - so sorry to make all of you jealous! I camped out at the computer a while and read emails from some of you, which made my day! Then we did the culturally appropriate thing and bought sweets (mishti) to take to the office staff, in honor of the day. Eventually we made our way to the river where someone had arranged for a boat to take us down river to the Agriculture University where we could walk around and enjoy the scenery.





We had an hour and a half ride (it was supposed to be an hour) down and it was lovely! We passed by lots of boats carrying loads of sand, some of them looked like big sand castles. Finally we got to one that was being loaded and saw how it was done. The river is shallow right now, so they have one person in the water, getting buckets full of sand from the river bed, handing it up to the guy on the boat who drains out the water and flips it upside down. When the boat is full, they take it to where it can be unloaded by other guys and carried in baskets on top of their heads. Then it is dumped on a pile, to be later loaded into big trucks and taken to a construction site. Eventually city life gave way to total countryside and I relished the quiet and greenness of it all. Banana tree groves, rice fields planted at the rivers' edge, a bari (homestead) situated between a field and a forested area. The boys started to get antsy and threatened to jump in the water - I think they wanted to see if their life jackets would indeed hold them up! We were quite glad to reach our destination and walk again. We found our way to the botanical gardens, which seemed to hold more people than flowers.

As you can see, the boys weren't having the time of their lives, but they did find a slide and managed to push each other around on it a bit. We kept drawing crowds and were tired and hungry so we didn't stay long. We found an interesting sculpture and mural from the war. We made our way back to the boat, bought some chips, peanuts and bottled water and were on our way back home.

The trip back was a quiet one as most of the river folk were eating lunch, which we soon began to dream of. Still, it was so nice to be out and I enjoyed it the full. Riley eventually fell asleep and we emptied our bag of snacks and drained our water bottles, while our boatman kept rowing us towards home.
We passed some elephants putting on a show. The crowd gathered to watch is very much like crowds we sometimes gather. Though I must say it has not been as bad as I expected here in Mymensingh. But back to our boat ride...

Here is one last photo from the trip, of a lady at the river's edge, doing her laundry. While I was enjoying being Queen of the day, I was saddened to realize that the women I was passing would probably never be shown the love and appreciation I was being shown. I looked at my dear husband and 3 little men and realized just how blessed I am. I long to find ways to let women here know how truly precious they are.

We arrived home at 3:30, to find lunch waiting on the table. Our helper had worked extra hard to make a birthday treat of sweet rice, besides fried vegetables and flat bread. It was so wonderful!

In the evening we decided to try out a local Bengali/Chinese Restaurant. We looked at the menu but couldn't find any Chinese food, so we ordered some chicken and nan. As we were leaving, we passed another door, more ornate, which was the chinese section of the restaurant. We just shook our heads, chuckled and went home for carrot cake and ice cream. A great way to end a great day!

Superbowl Conversations

Our boys were pretty happy to watch the tail end of the super bowl game this past Monday morning. They were extra happy when Austin called our friends at First Menno and they could each talk for a few minutes!

I think those precious minutes meant more to them than watching the game!


Besides, how could we let First Menno have a party without us dropping in for atleast a few minutes! We miss you guys!!!

A Fun Weekend

We've just had a lovely weekend. Friday afternoon we took off as a family to explore the river area, which is only a short rickshaw ride away. We walked along the river walk, a sidewalk that is on top of the bank, which is rather steep. The boys kept begging to climb down the "mountain". Finally we all made our way to the bottom and walked right by the river. We passed a number of fishermen and boatmen who wanted us to take a ride. After a nice walk we climbed back up to the top and found this little pony cart and went for a ride around the park area.

Later, we found an empty field (well, one side was empty, the other had goats and cows grazing) and the guys threw frisbee for a while. Amazingly enough, we didn't draw a crowd. But then it was Friday afternoon and most people were probably doing their prayers or eating lunch. After a while a group of guys came to play Crickett and the goat herder brought his goats over to where we were to spare them from being hit during the game. The boys were thrilled with these little kids and petted them a while before we went home. In the evening we tried out a new restaurant that served amazing chicken curries and kebabs with Nan ( a soft puffy flat bread). The next day was Saturday and Austin's parents and brother came to visit us. We had lunch together, which included lots of laughter. We are so blessed to have family nearby. Later we all went to the river and this time we took a boat ride. We hired a boatman to take us out for an hour and we just enjoyed the scenery - as well as provided scenery for a few other boats that happened to be out.
It was so nice to be out on the water and away from curious eyes, for the most part. It's really funny going out with Austin's parents. People sometimes think Alice is Marland's daughter instead of wife, which doesn't make him too happy. But this time a lawyer stopped him and talked a while, telling him he looked too young. As we were walking along, Austin commented that as soon as people see us, they feel the need to break out into loud noises of cats, dogs and what they think may be a foreign language. They love to try to pick Riley up, but he doesn't let them. They also borrow the nearest cell phone and take a picture of one or more of the boys. This morning Austin took Riley with him to the market and he was called "Sweet Baby" which didn't impress him very much. Another guy just stood in front of the rickshaw, uttering similar things, till the rickshaw driver decided it was enough and nearly drove over his toes. So if anyone is feeling unnoticed, all you have to do is come visit here and you will have millions of adoring eyes on you!